"Too Black."

  Tonight, I was angry. I was very angry at myself for letting something slide without comment. Now, I am not so angry. I guess to fully explain why I was so angry, I'd better start at the beginning.

  Before I started at my university last year, I knew that I'd be a minority due to being black. I knew this because I hardly saw any black people during the interview process and I also knew this due to how taken aback many black people that I knew looked whenever I told them the name of my university. Unlike what the press *coughDAILYMAILcough* would have you believe, this is not the university's fault. I've seen for myself the sad fact that many gifted people of colour decide against applying to my university because they feel like the university establishment itself will look down on them due to their backgrounds and ethnicities. Some people also fear that they will be totally ostracised from the 'posh, rich' people, feel totally alone and alien and that they will not be accepted or fit in. For a very long time, I have tried my best to dispel these rumours in order to prove that this view of the university is false. I have never felt lonely or been made to feel different because of the colour of my skin. However, this all changed tonight.

  At dinner, I was sat with someone that I've always seen as one of the people that I'm closest to in my college and we were discussing a club night that the African Caribbean Society is planning for students. My friend then announced that she would not be attending the event as it was "too black" for her. I laughed in disbelief as I couldn't quite believe that I'd heard right and then I said nothing. Nothing.

  After dinner, I came back to my room and I just couldn't get her words out of my mind. Too black. Too black. What the heck does that mean? Is there a certain quota of 'black' that I need to be, a quota that's not too much that will make me acceptable to her and others? Am I only accepted because I am supposed to act in a way that some would call 'oreo', that makes people forget that I am of African origin? I thought about all the different things that I could have said to her at the dinner table, words that came belatedly, words that would have let her know that her statement sounded rude and racist and that was when I started crying.

  For the first time in my life, I felt completely alone. I always joke about how I'm one of the two black people in college but I can say that I've never felt the loneliness of being a minority until tonight. Her words, "too black",made me feel unwanted, and that it was wrong of me to want to participate in events that celebrate my culture. I also felt like I had betrayed myself and my people by not saying anything and that made me cry even more. I sought advice from a friend, one of the kindest and sweetest souls that I've ever met and my sister and they both convinced me that I had to tell her how much her words had hurt.

  After much dilly- dallying, I eventually went to her room, approximately two hours after the incident,and I told her. She had no idea that her words could have been interpreted in a racist way and she seemed genuinely apologetic and contrite. I've forgiven her as I believe that she honestly chose the wrong way to express that she was not into RnB music and I hope our friendship will remain intact, God willing.

  So, my long tale has come to an end. I learned a lot from tonight. 1) The best advice and friendships come from the unlikeliest of people (I love you with a fiery passion, Hazza D x). 2) Never, EVER be afraid of speaking out if something has upset you. It is better to speak now and save a friendship than to let things bottle up and explode later on down the line, ruining a friendship irrevocably. 3) I really, REALLY need to stop being such 'doormat' as my good friend Hazza D puts it. I need to man up and stop relying on my sister to fight my battles for me.

  Why was I so affected by her words? I guess it was just the shock of something like that coming from someone that was supposed to be a good friend. I was also still reeling from this article that I'd recently read, and as my university is similar to that one, I was worried that I was losing my 'voice'.

  I want to end by saying that there is definitely no such thing as being "too black", be it with tastes or physical appearance. Also, despite what happened tonight, I still stand by the view that my university is a safe and welcoming place for people of colour and I will not let the careless words of one person take away the fact that many others accept and love me exactly as I am.